Healing Your Relationship With God

I grew up in a southern Baptist church, one that focused largely on people who did not believe in Jesus going to hell and being tortured forever. Since my father would not attend church, I spent many nights crying because I did not want him to go to hell. But my concept of God was clearly formed as a God who was angry, wrathful, and who would torture or kill people at the drop of a hat. That, and salvation by believing in Jesus, led me to believe that what Jesus was really saving us from was God! 

Later in life, I heard that God was loving, and that we should think of him as a Father. However, my earthly father had a hair-trigger temper, and would beat me with a belt or hairbrush, if he got mad! Not to mention yelling at me. He would threaten to spank me if I cried when I was hurt or afraid, for example, of getting a shot at the doctors office. I was screamed at for not being able to catch a ball, even though I was nearly blind from birth and never had depth perception. I don't remember ever getting a 'spanking' for misbehavior, because I was too terrified to misbehave! It was always because he was in a bad mood. So I had real issues thinking of God as a loving Father. 

One thing that was obvious though, after my first bout of cancer, was that I was very angry at God. My prayers seemed to go nowhere, and I felt as unloved by God as I felt from my earthly father. I had resorted to exploring 'New Age' religions in a desperate attempt to fill a gaping hole. I had real issues feeling unloved, because my own father did not love me, although he tried to take care of me. So after my double mastectomy, double harshest chemo, and radiation to the point of blackened burned skin, I knew I needed help! 

I found, listed on the Internet, a faith healer named Barbara Buckland, who lived fairly close to me. I 

had always been interested in faith healers, since my great-grandmother had been one. I went to 

Barbaras house for healing prayer, and felt actual physical shifts in my bones, and relief from back pain for the first time in years. The main thing I felt though, was that a wall had come down between God and I, and I felt like God loved me, for the first time since I was a child. Later that night, I woke up and felt tingling, and a warm loving feeling over my breast craters and back. It was wonderful and I had no doubt that I had felt the divine touch of God! 

A few nights after that, I was whining in prayer that I had to go somewhere else for healing, that my prayers were not 'good enough' for God, and once again woke up from a deep sleep to feel tingling in my right arm. My arm had hurt very badly since I had the lymph nodes removed under that arm and a nerve cut. It was beyond incredible! And my arm was free from the severe pain after that.

I tried at the time to learn more about spiritual healing, but rather quickly gave it up, since my prayers 

did not seem to help anyone. And after I had cancer return, I realized I once again had never really 

healed my relationship with God. I found a wonderful little book, called 'Good Goats', by Dennis Linn. It helped me greatly, by realizing that God always loved me, the problem was walls that I had erected. I had to work very hard for months, to forgive my father, as I knew he grew up with a very hard, poverty stricken life with his stepfather. 

I began to realize that I thought God was supposed to be like Santa Clause! Giving us everything we pray for, and knowing who is naughty or nice. I blamed bad things on God, for not preventing them, even though bad things were almost always caused by people, because God gave us free will. It helped me to think of God as 'Papa God', not Father. 

I thought disease, pain, and sickness came from God to punish us or to try to teach us a lesson. The more I studied, the more I realized that God does not cause sickness, and in fact he does not want us 

to be sick! Since Jesus healed everyone who asked for healing, it was obviously God's will that they 

be healed. Jesus never told anyone that they were sick to learn a lesson or as a punishment! 

Healing your relationship with God is the first step in true healing. It can bring you peace, great joy, and strength. Knowing that God wants you to be well can provide you with great relief!

Blessings!